Old Friends, New Insecurities
by Zyra M
Summary: Starting their post-war life together, Leia runs into an old friend and makes Han wonder if he can give her everything she truly deserves.


Han Solo had never been known for his ability to think things through. He was very good at forecasting the immediate consequences of his actions; he just wasn't so good at considering how those might then alter what would happen in the future as a result. Or at least all of the little details.

Falling in love with Leia hadn't really been an option. It was something that had just happened and was completely beyond his control. At the time, he hadn't ever considered he'd even be alive much longer. But once the imminent threats to his life were no longer an issue, it was easy to know that he wanted to spend the rest of what would hopefully be a very long life with Leia by his side.

It was just all of those little details now that had to be worked out. Up until then, they'd been ferried between secret bases on remote planets hiding from the Empire, and after the recent battle spent most of their time residing on his ship. Not that he minded so much, since it was really the only 'home' he'd ever known in his entire life, but, well, it was starting to feel more than a little cramped. And for the first time in his life, he was starting to crave at least some sort of stability, and maybe even a permanent home somewhere. He couldn't believe it himself, but then again, he never imagined himself finding a woman he actually wanted to make a permanent life with, either.

He glanced to his right to see the object of his affections resting her head in her hand and dozing off in the co-pilot's chair. It wasn't a position she'd occupied for much of his life as of yet, but he loved the idea of her there beside him forever.

The proximity alarm sounded while he was looking at her, causing her eyes to open instantly, quickly discovering his gaze, then smiling back at him. "How long was I out?"

"I don't know. Only a few minutes, probably. I didn't want to wake you."

"I appreciate it. You ready for this? Starting over on Coruscant?"

"Sweetheart, being ready for stuff isn't really my thing. Jumping in and figuring it all out as it happens? That, I can handle."

She reached over and gently took his hand in hers, rubbing her thumb along his skin. "That's good enough for me."

Once they landed, first on their agenda, unfortunately, were meetings. Lots and lots of meetings. He wasn't quite sure why being a General for one little mission suddenly made him one of the most important men in the military – an ambition he'd never really had – but it meant that he had to be involved in all sorts of decisions that he didn't really want to be a part of.

Government had never really been something he tended to trust. Look what had happened when the Empire tried to rule over the galaxy. In his experience, it was never really a good idea, even if the so-called 'good guys' were going to be in charge now. He'd do what he could to help out, but he really didn't want to be an authority figure.

Leia, on the other hand, he knew wanted to be involved on some level. What level exactly, he wasn't sure. But even only having known her for a few years he was sure that she was not going to be one to sit back and just let others take control. Even if it wasn't for her own good, she wanted to help people. It was one of the things he loved about her… he just wished sometimes she'd step back and spend a little more time trying to help herself instead on occasion.

And maybe, only sometimes, he might think a little too much about the possibility that she might suddenly come to her senses and realize that he wasn't someone she really wanted to spend the rest of her life with. War can make people do crazy things, and a very large reason that they had even developed a relationship at all was forced proximity. If she'd been stranded on a ship for a while with some other pilot from the Rebellion, would it have ended with the same result? He knew it was illogical to think that way, and he knew that their relationship had truly started long before either one of them could bring themselves to admit it. But it didn't stop him from occasionally wondering if she might suddenly realize that there were better options out there. He was just going to have to try and make sure that it was apparent that there was no such thing as a better option than him.

The briefing was anything but brief. He found himself mostly squirming in his chair in an attempt to find a comfortable position after the first hour or so. It had become increasingly difficult. He'd occasionally find a small, steadying hand against his forearm in an attempt to keep him from fidgeting and indicating that she'd noticed his discomfort. To her credit, she didn't appear to be annoyed with him, but rather sympathetic. He could tell that she wasn't enjoying this much more than he was.

Mercifully, the meeting finally came to an end. And just in time, as Han's stomach was starting to cause curious looks around the room as the rumbles of hunger became louder. Leia stood first as Han was almost too lost in daydreaming to notice that the meeting had ended, and she reached her hand back to take Han's. "Ready to get out of here?"

He looked up at her in relief, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "You have no idea."

Once he stood, he heard a man's voice behind them. "Leia? Princess Leia?"

The couple turned and saw a young man, probably much closer to Leia's age than Han's. He was dressed impeccably, with form-fitting charcoal gray pants and a matching jacket with black piping at the seams. He stood a few centims shorter than Han, and likely would've been even shorter had it not been for the slightly exaggerated heel on his shiny, black boots. His slick, almost black hair was combed neatly and close cropped. This was not the kind of guy who just rolled out of bed in the morning and just threw on the first thing he saw in his closet. And he was smiling at Leia in such a way that made Han just a little bit uncomfortable.

Han looked back and forth between the two as their eyes met, quickly noticing the recognition crossing Leia's features. "Cam? Is that you?"

The man nodded and Han was more than a little surprised to see Leia open her arms in an invitation for a hug; this Cam guy eagerly joining her in the embrace. Had everyone somehow forgotten Han was standing right there?

The two pulled away to look at one another and Leia smiled at him. "My goodness, it's been a long time. I had no idea you were even alive after what happened…"

Han was pretty sure he knew what she was referring to, but Cam was quick to answer. "Well, my parents and I were off-world attending my sister's wedding. She went and married a Corellian, and by some blessing had decided to get married there."

"Shar got married? Oh, I'm so happy to hear it. And even happier to know that your entire family survived!"

Han was starting to feel as though he maybe should leave the two old friends alone to catch up, but Leia finally turned and remembered his existence.

"Oh, please forgive my rudeness," she placed a hand on Han's arm. "Cam, this is Han Solo. I'm sure you've heard of him by now. And Han, this is Cam Valer. We were in school together growing up. We used to study together, actually."

Han turned to the young man and took his outstretched hand. He knew deep down that there was no real reason to be jealous of this kid, but it didn't seem to keep him from squeezing his hand with maybe just a tad more force than necessary. "Nice to meet you, Cam. So glad to hear that you and your family are okay. And it's nice to meet someone who knew Leia when she was a kid. I always assumed she was just born a senator."

The young man laughed at the joke. "Well, she was great at growing up too fast, but I can assure you, for at least a little while there she was a giggly little schoolgirl. In fact, that's what made me want to kiss her in the first place."

The kid turned to Leia and gave her a little wink. "That was a long time ago, Cam," Leia replied. "And if you recall correctly, it was really only a thank you for helping me pass my biology exam."

"Well," Cam continued, "it's only too bad that so soon after that you had to leave me and head off to that university."

"Serves you right. Besides, I don't think either one of us could've put up with Shar's teasing after she caught us."

Han was starting to get more than a little bit irritated. He knew it was silly to be jealous of Leia's childhood friend, but he just couldn't help himself. He hadn't seen her face light up like that in a long time. This was what he didn't want to have to deal with: competing for Leia's affections.

"Well, there's always time to pick up where we left off, you know."

The kid said it in such a non-threatening, innocent way that somehow made Han even madder. Fortunately, it was that moment that Leia suddenly decided to wrap an arm around Han's waist. "I'm afraid you're a little too late for that. Shar and I have a bit in common as I've found myself a Corellian of my own."

"Oh? I didn't know that you'd gotten married."

Han and Leia exchanged a quick glance and both shook their heads. "Oh, no," Leia said. "Not married… but….you know."

Han badly wanted to interject and add '_yet_' about the not being married part, but for some reason kept quiet.

"Well, it's nice to see you look so happy. I know things couldn't have been easy for you after everything that's happened."

"Thank you, Cam. No, it hasn't been easy." She looked up into Han's eyes and for at least a moment he felt the tightness in his stomach relax a bit. "But it's gotten a lot easier lately." She looked back at Cam and changed the subject. "So, what have you been up to?"

"Me? Well, actually, I've followed in the footsteps of my father and become an ambassador. We wound up establishing ourselves on Aaeton and we're hoping to join up with the New Republic now that the Empire is gone."

"That's great, Cam. Sounds like it's right up your alley."

He smiled at them, and then glanced at his chrono. "Well, as much fun as this has been, I have another meeting to attend to. But it was so great to see you. I hope we can catch up soon."

Leia released her grip on Han and then moved to hug Cam, who gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before they parted. "Great to see you, Cam. Please tell the rest of your family I said hello."

"I will. And nice to meet you, Han. I've heard some great things about what you've done for us."

"Nice to meet you, too."

The kid exited the room and Han realized that he and Leia were the only ones left. "Wow," Leia said. "I didn't think I'd ever see him again. I wonder how many of my other old friends might be out there that I don't know about?"

Han started feeling more and more like an idiot. Here he was, jealous of some guy who'd kissed Leia when they were teenagers, and yet almost her entire past had been destroyed by one laser blast…

"I don't know, sweetheart," he said. "But I hope there are more than you expect." And he meant it.

She hugged him quickly, and then stepped back and took his hand. "Now, how about some lunch?"

Lunch was pleasant and quick. But Han's mind remained fixated on their encounter with Cam earlier. He wasn't stupid enough to think that suddenly Leia was going to end their relationship. After all, Han had plenty of women out there to whom he'd done much more than kiss, and any of them showing up at any time would do nothing to threaten what he now had with Leia. He knew better than anyone that what was past was past, and should stay that way.

What seemed to be bothering him was the Cam she was seeing _now; _the clean-cut, nicely dressed ambassador who was stepping up and trying to make a difference. Was that the kind of man Leia would want? Han started having an awful feeling that he might not quite fit in with whatever future Leia planned to have. He was willing to do certain things for her, but he was smart enough to know that changing who he was, while at least temporarily solving their problems and preventing him from losing her, would only make him resent her later. And no man could be happy with a woman he had grown to resent. He didn't want to resent Leia. He only wanted to love her and make her happy. But he also wanted her to want _him _to be happy.

He stared down at his plate, realizing that he had left half of the food on it. Leia noticed his uncharacteristic behavior immediately. "I thought you were starving."

He shrugged. "I thought so, too. I guess not being at war slows a guy's metabolism a bit."

Leia smiled. "Well, I also thought those meetings tended to make you ravenous."

He nodded at her. "Well, sure. But not for food." He winked at her and saw that he still had a knack for making her blush.

"Leia?" Han heard over his shoulder, annoyed to have their moment interrupted.

Leia looked up and Han could see her eyes grow wide. "Oh, it's so good to see you!" She stood and walked past Han, who turned to see Leia in the arms of what he could only describe as what Cam would look like in thirty years. Except Cam wasn't likely to grow a couple of inches. He had a few kilos on the kid, a neatly trimmed beard, some white hairs at his temples and eyes that were a darker shade of blue, but Han could conclude with almost absolute certainty that he had to be meeting Cam's father.

Just to put all doubt to rest, Cam came following close behind. Leia pulled away from the elder Valer, then turned and remembered Han sitting at the table. "Oh, Ambassador Valer, this is Han Solo."

Han stood and shook the man's hand, feeling quite a bit like he was being sized up. "Pleasure to meet you, sir," Han said.

The ambassador looked down towards Han's side. "I see you wear the Corellian bloodstripe. They don't give those to just anyone, you know."

Han half-smiled. "Yes, sir. I know. I assure you that I earned 'em."

"Glad to hear it, young man. My daughter married a Corellian, you know."

"I heard that from Cam earlier."

"Yes, well, in spite of that fact he's turned out to be a fine husband." The man winked at Han in such a way that put him at ease. It should've been obvious that anyone Leia would be so happy to see would be a good guy, but it was nice to see it so apparent in such a short span of time.

Ambassador Valer turned to Leia again. "Cam told me he'd run into you. I can't begin to tell you how sorry we all are about Alderaan. And of course, your father."

Leia reached out and took his hand again. "I know, thank you. But you're survivors as well. We all lost a lot that day."

"Ah, but you helped so much in making sure that no other planets suffered the same fate. I knew when you were a child you were destined for great things, Leia. I'm sorry you had to go through so much to get there, but we are all so fortunate to have someone like you on our side."

Han could see the glassy, unshed tears in Leia's eyes as she moved to hug him again and kissed his cheek. "Thank you. That means a lot."

Cam moved in to pat his father on the shoulder. "Come on, Dad. We're expected elsewhere."

"Right you are, son. You should know, princess, that now that my daughter is married, I'm hoping that Cam here will finally muster up the courage to ask his girl to marry him."

Appearing slightly embarrassed, Cam forced a smile as his father wrapped an arm over his shoulder. "Come on, Dad. Give me a break, huh? I'm just waiting for the right moment."

"That's just the thing, my boy. There's no such thing as the right moment. You just have to ask her."

Leia smiled. "Well, from what I remember when we were kids, courage around girls was never his strong suit."

"All right, all right," Cam protested. "Enough of this. Let's leave Han and Leia to finish their meal, okay? We have to get back to Aaeton anyway."

"Right," the ambassador said. "Well, it was wonderful to see you, Leia. And a pleasure to meet you, Han. I've heard great things about you." He patted Han in a friendly gesture on the shoulder. "Be good, now. She's a great girl."

"I will, thank you, sir."

He turned back to Leia and placed an arm on her shoulder. "Your father would be proud."

"Thank you. I know. I hope to see you more often."

"I'm sure we'll run into each other. You kids have a nice lunch."

"Bye, Cam," Leia said.

"Bye, Leia. Han."

"Bye," Han said.

The couple sat down again, and Han saw the smile that hadn't left Leia's lips. "Their family was pretty close with yours, huh?" He asked.

"Yes. He was something like what I'd imagine having an uncle would be like."

Han smiled. "So that makes Cam like your cousin. So you kissed your cousin _and _your brother?"

"I told you never to mention that, flyboy. And Cam wasn't _exactly _like my cousin. Besides, we were kids. It was an innocent kiss. I didn't even let him put his tongue in my mouth."

Han laughed a little. "That's my girl."

Once their meal was finished, they made their way back to the _Falcon. _They hadn't yet acquired a permanent residence on Coruscant, although it was probably only a matter of time. But for now, they had decided to hole up on the ship considering it was the closest thing to home they'd known over the past few years.

Was he being maybe a little bit delusional that Leia would want a future with him? She'd grown up with friends who were sons of ambassadors, and probably plenty of other high-class suitors. Sure, he'd done everything he could to try and make her happy, but could he really give her everything she deserved?

When they returned to their temporary home, Leia decided to go and take a much-needed nap. As soon as the war had ended, it was as though she'd been trying to catch up on years' worth of lost sleep, so it was an indulgence she'd engaged in whenever the opportunity arose. He couldn't blame her.

Han wanted to be able to sleep beside her for an hour or so, but he knew that the thoughts swirling around in his head wouldn't allow him a peaceful rest, so he decided to busy himself by tinkering with the coolant systems while she headed back to their cabin.

He managed to completely lose track of time, because he was on his knees, completely engrossed in one of the circuitry boards when he felt a familiar hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, General. Still at it?"

He turned to see Leia standing above him, looking even younger than she really was – or perhaps finally looking her actual age - with her hair pulled back in a simple ponytail, clad in some loose lounge pants and one of his old, white t-shirts. At least this image of her, however adorable, made him feel a little more like she was just a regular person, no matter how much evidence there was to the contrary. "Yeah, I guess I just lost track of time." He stood up and couldn't resist putting his arms around her. "Did you have a nice nap?"

Her small arms came around his waist and she gave a little squeeze as she pressed her face into his chest. "Mmmm… yes. It's kind of amazing how comfortable that bunk is."

"Well, if you're gonna sleep on it just about every night, you gotta splurge on the best."

"That's why you picked me then, right?"

"Just one of the reasons, yeah," he said before giving her a quick kiss.

He looked at her then, all of the thoughts running through his head about what her life must've been like growing up in a palace, surrounded by very different people. And seeing her now in ratty old clothes, calling a tiny bunk in his old freighter her home just didn't seem to fit the image of a princess.

He saw her eye him skeptically and realized he'd been quiet for too long. "Han, is something wrong?"

"Huh? What makes you say that?" He knew lying to her was useless. Even if she didn't have the distinct advantage of innate Force sense, he suspected she'd still have no trouble reading him like a holo novel.

"Come on, Han. I know when something is bothering you."

He shrugged her hands off his shoulders. "Nah, I'm fine."

He walked past her into the lounge and heard her bare feet padding on the floor behind him. "You are _not _fine, Han. Come on, please. You can tell me when something is bothering you. It's okay. Was it Cam?"

Han stopped in front of the holochess table, placing his hands on the smooth surface and keeping his back to her. "That's not it. It's nothing."

"It _was_ Cam, wasn't it? You can't possibly tell me that you're jealous of a boy I kissed ten years ago. Because I have a feeling there are more than a few women out there from your past who you wouldn't want me running into."

Han finally turned to face her and rested against the table. "I'm not jealous of Cam. Can we please just drop it?"

He went to move away, but she placed gentle yet insistent hands on his shoulders and held him still. "No, we can't just drop it. If it's not that, then it has to be something. Han, if we're going to make this work you have to be able to trust me to tell me how you're feeling."

She had an irritating way of turning things around on him like that. He trusted her more than he'd trusted any human in his life. He heaved a heavy sigh, realizing that he knew if she were suffering similar insecurities that he'd want her to tell him. It was just that he hated feeling insecure and usually did everything he could to avoid the feeling.

He slumped his shoulders and looked down at the floor, then brought his gaze back up to see those two beautiful brown eyes staring back at him in more concern than anger. He tilted his head to the side and relented. "I'm sorry."

She smiled at him. "I don't even know what you're supposed to be sorry for yet."

"Well, that was for walking away from you just then."

"Apology accepted, then," she replied. "Now, please, tell me what it is that's bothering you."

He turned from her and slid down into the seat by the table, and she followed to sit next to him, taking his hand between both of hers.

He took a deep breath, more than a little unsure of how to begin to voice his concerns. "Leia, are you… okay with this?"

She looked more than a little confused. "Okay with what?"

"This," he said again, looking around the ship and then back to her. "Us."

"Why are you asking me that? If I said anything or did anything to make you think…"

He shook his head and cut her off. "No, no. Of course not. It's just, well, seeing Cam and…"

Now she was the one cutting him off. "I knew this had something to do with him. Again, Han, that was a long, long time ago and it was nothing. If you're going to get jealous over every-"

"No! Again, I'm not worried that Cam is going to come in and steal you away from me. It just made me think about how your life would be different if you ended up with someone _like _him."

She eyed Han skeptically. "What, short and shy?"

He ignored the joke. "I'm talking about someone a little more… high-class. More refined. More important."

She reached up and placed a warm hand against his cheek. "Why would you think I'd want someone like that? I thought it was perfectly clear how I felt about you. You're important to _me._"

He exhaled harshly again. "I love you, too. But come on, Leia. I've never even had my own apartment, or even a real bedroom before. I'm never gonna be an ambassador or a senator or-"

Her fingers came up and pressed against his lips to stop him from continuing. "Why would you ever think I'd want anyone but you?"

"Because I can't possibly-"

"What? Be one of the government higher-ups? Turn into some sort of ambassador? Let me ask you something, Han. Would you care what I decided to do for my career? Would you love me any less if I decided not to be a leader in the New Republic? Or if I decided it would be very fulfilling to clean floors for a living? Would it matter to you?"

He finally brought his eyes level with hers, having spent much of the time overly focused on his fingers intertwined with hers on the table. "I don't think anything could make me love you any less."

"Then why do you think something like that would make me not want to be with you? Do you really think that what I'm looking for in a man is some arbitrary status? One of the things I've always loved about you is that you don't care about status. I love you for exactly who you are, and I'm not sticking with you only in the hopes that I can mold you to fit some sort of ideal you seem to have invented in your head."

He couldn't respond right away. He was too overcome with the look in her eyes. "I'm sorry," he said simply after a few moments of silence.

She gave him a half smile. "For what?"

"For doubting you. It's just that every once in a while I think about the life you used to have, and how I can't give you anything close."

"I never asked you to. And you're giving me something different, but still wonderful in an entirely different way. And I wouldn't trade it for anything."

He took her face in his hands and kissed her, pulling away after a few moments to look into her eyes. "I love you, you know."

"I know. And I love you."

He smiled and rubbed his thumb along her cheek. "Thanks for letting me put my tongue in your mouth."

Leia laughed. "Well, you're much better looking than Cam," she replied.

"You sure about that, princess?"

She nodded at him without hesitation. "Absolutely." Then her hand found its way to the back of his head and pulled him in for a much deeper kiss.

His mouth moved down the side of her neck, placing tiny kisses the entire way. He heard her sigh before she spoke, her voice breathy against his ear. "Want to go back to your cabin and see what else I'm willing to do with you but nobody else?"

He slipped his hands underneath the t-shirt and ran them along the smooth skin of her back. "Too far," he said simply before lifting her onto the holochess table, already completely forgetting he had felt even a moment of inadequacy.


End file.
